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Goat Fucks Starter Kit

4.00 Ounces
Calculated at checkout

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Product Description

What you get:

    1 polished metal card holder.
    10 glossy GOAT FUCK cards.

Are you out of fucks to give? Do people keep taking all of your fucks, so you don't have any left when something important comes up? Now you can order your very own shiny steel case labeled FUCKS TO GIVE so you can keep all your fucks close to your genitals (that's where your pants pockets usually are, right?).

This quality silver colored case is made on precision machines in China. It's probably operated by eight-year-old children who should be in school but are instead chained to the filthy greasy machinery, working for a rice ball a day like any other skilled laborer. Or possibly the machinery is run by pandas. We don't know because we haven't bothered to fly to China and inspect the plant. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS, this case holds at least 10 fucks! It's also very SHINY, which only matters if you are a Firefly fan, or trying to blind someone with the reflection. Hell, you can even put your makeup on with it. This case has a beautiful glossy finish on the metal that is also fabulous for collecting fingerprints.

Mostly yours. So don't drop it at a crime scene. We're not responsible for any convictions you may get if you do something that marvelously stupid.

When you're out of fucks to give, open the case! We use unpatented technology that TELLS YOU that you're ALL OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE. This reliable, idiot-proof, time-tested technology is installed by a drunken, bitter housewife (unless we're out of booze, then I have to do it sober) so that you always know when you're out of fucks to give.

…Yes, this technology is a fucking sticker. ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK!

The best part of this technology is that when your friends accuse you of having a fuck to give, you can prove that you actually don't! And then get new friends. Because seriously? If a friend of yours calls you a liar about that, you might want to trade in that friend for something more useful. Like a tube of epoxy, because you know you never have have that shit when you need it. It's one thing if your boss says you're lying, because we all know you lied about stealing those pens. And that you definitely lied about having "the flu" over Mardi Gras. But your friends aren't supposed to question that shit because THEY SHOULD KNOW. THEY ARE OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE, TOO!

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