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Fucks to Give Starter Kit

4.00 Ounces
Calculated at checkout

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Product Description

What you get:

  • 1 polished metal card holder.
  • 10 glossy FUCK's to give cards.

Are you out of fucks to give? Do people keep taking all of your fucks, so you don't have any left when something important comes up? Now you can order your very own shiny steel case labeled FUCKS TO GIVE so you can keep all your fucks close to your genitals (that's where your pants pockets usually are, right?).

This quality silver colored case is made on precision machines in China. It's probably operated by eight-year-old children who should be in school but are instead chained to the filthy greasy machinery, working for a rice ball a day like any other skilled laborer. Or possibly the machinery is run by pandas. We don't know because we haven't bothered to fly to China and inspect the plant. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS, this case holds at least 10 fucks! It's also very SHINY, which only matters if you are a Firefly fan, or trying to blind someone with the reflection. Hell, you can even put your makeup on with it. This case has a beautiful glossy finish on the metal that is also fabulous for collecting fingerprints.

Mostly yours. So don't drop it at a crime scene. We're not responsible for any convictions you may get if you do something that marvelously stupid.

When you're out of fucks to give, open the case! We use unpatented technology that TELLS YOU that you're ALL OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE. This reliable, idiot-proof, time-tested technology is installed by a drunken, bitter housewife (unless we're out of booze, then I have to do it sober) so that you always know when you're out of fucks to give.

…Yes, this technology is a fucking sticker. ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK!

The best part of this technology is that when your friends accuse you of having a fuck to give, you can prove that you actually don't! And then get new friends. Because seriously? If a friend of yours calls you a liar about that, you might want to trade in that friend for something more useful. Like a tube of epoxy, because you know you never have have that shit when you need it. It's one thing if your boss says you're lying, because we all know you lied about stealing those pens. And that you definitely lied about having "the flu" over Mardi Gras. But your friends aren't supposed to question that shit because THEY SHOULD KNOW. THEY ARE OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE, TOO!

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Product Reviews

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  1. I now have Fucks to Give! 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 2nd Dec 2013

    This was even higher quality than I expected (& I expected a lot). The case is solid and well-engraved, and the cards are of good quality stock. I gave one to my college-aged daughter and she was delighted.

    Good job well done, and CF4L

  2. Another satisfied customer 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 26th Sep 2013

    Dear Fucks To Give:

    First, let me say, I love your product. With all of the trials and tribulations in today's world of shady politics, scandal after scandal, and reality TV, I found that I had been running close to the bone on the amount of Fucks I had. It was awful. There I was, surrounded by-nay, dare I say, OVERWHELMED- by things that I was told I needed to give a Fuck about, and found myself running short of Fucks To Give. This naturally, caused some anxiety: what if something REALLY important came up, and I had no Fucks left? Then I'd be, for lack of a better term, FUCKED.

    Then I found your website, and all my anxiety disappeared, much like the hooker I paid in advance down in Boystown. I can't express my gratitude enough! (For your website, not the hooker. May she choke on the donkey genitals during her next performance.)

    However, here is my new dilemma: I find myself concerned that I'm being too generous with my Fucks. I'm forced to ask, "Is this really worth a Fuck? Do I really want to give a Fuck? Have I given enough Fucks, and what happens if I don't have any left before my refill pack arrives?"

    I'm sure you can see where this could cause new Fuck related issues.
    So, my question is this: Is there an alternative to giving away my precious Fucks? Do you have plans for the future to supply Shits To Give? I understand that Shits, while not quite as valuable as Fucks, are still pretty dear, but what about Rat's Asses?

    With a little prior planning and foresight, this could become a whole new currency, with it's own exchange rate! Think about it: A Fuck could be worth three Shits, or twelve Rat's Asses! (Of course, this is only an example, I say let the free market decide the value)

    I want to thank you again for your time, and your excellent product. I look forward to future additions, and wish you the best.


    Chris Smith, satisfied customer

  3. If I gave a fuck, I would say these are outstanding! 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 24th Apr 2013

    The sly wit of the concept is well served by the high quality of the FUCK cards and the case in which they are contained. Worth every penny! Not that I give a fuck, of course--but thanks to the starter kit, I at least have FUCKS TO GIVE if I wanted to!

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