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Environmental Impact Statement

Environmental Impact Statement of “FuckstoGive.com”

Really, we don’t give a fuck about the environmental impact of “Fucks to Give.” If we did, we probably wouldn’t have any. Fucks to give, that is. Because if we really gave a fuck about the environmental impact of the processes used to manufacture our cards, our stickers, and our card-holders, we wouldn’t have them made in the first place. I mean, there’s the slag and runoff from the manufacture of the stainless steel of our cases, not to mention the CO, CO2, and various toxic gasses produced by the process. Which doesn’t even address the bleach and other chemicals required to manufacture the cardstock on which our Fucks are printed, which then are disposed of as runoff. Then there’s the ink and the printing–gotta be lots of chemicals used in that, and no doubt it’s just more runoff as well. Adhesive? Don’t think it’s horsehide, so that means more chemicals. Yay, chemicals! Oh, and don’t forget the oxygen depletion that results from the destruction of the trees used to make the cardstock for our Fucks. And the pollution created by the heavy machinery used to cut the trees and haul them out of the forest to the pulping mill. Finally, there’s the CO, CO2, and various toxic gasses produced by the coal-fired power plant which provides the electricity to run the steel mill, the paper mill, the printing presses and the glue factory.

But all of this happens in China, which means we don’t give a fuck. Because the Chinese themselves don’t give a fuck. And if they don’t, why should we? They outnumber us six to one, which means that for every fuck we give, six Chinese fucks don’t give a damn, so it’s a losing proposition–even if everyone one of us gave a fuck, it still wouldn’t counteract all those millions and millions of Chinese who don’t. And like I said, if we really gave a fuck, we couldn’t, because that would mean our fucks to give would never get manufactured in the first place. So why give a fuck if all it means is that you really can’t give one?

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